Suffering is almost inevitable. We will all suffer in some way at some time.

But we’re not alone in our suffering. We just need to look to the cross and keep our eyes fixed on Jesus.

Jesus suffered greatly during his passion and death on the cross.

“Come, all who pass by the way, pay attention and see: Is there any pain like my pain” – Lamentations 1:12

But in our suffering, Jesus is there amidst us. When we are suffering, we can turn to Jesus in prayer, and reflect on his suffering.

He understands us and gives us the grace for help.

“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who has similarly been tested in every way, yet without sin. So let us confidently approach the throne of grace to receive mercy and to find grace for timely help.” – Hebrews 4:15-16

My mom suffered in her final days before her death, but as I spent time with her during that time, it drew my heart to look to Jesus. We can do the same in our own suffering or in those around us, how many saints have done before us.

Turning to Jesus gives us strength and confidence to endure the suffering at hand.

My mom suffered from cancer, among other health issues, for several years and died on January 23^rd, 2020.

I want to share my own reflection of that time for 3 reasons:

1. To honor my mother
2. As a way to process and reflect upon my mom’s passing
3. To show that in times of suffering, we can unite our suffering to that of Jesus’ suffering on the cross.

Jesus calls us to pick up our cross daily in Luke 9:23.

We all have a cross to bear.

No matter what that cross is, we do it for the love of God and to grow closer to Him.

As we suffer, we can unite our suffering with that of the suffering of Jesus on the cross.

In my mom’s final days, I saw Jesus through her suffering and it reminded me of the Way of the Cross.

Here are some of the little things that pointed my mind and thoughts back to the Jesus and caused me to reflect on Jesus’ suffering through his passion and death.

 

The Unexpected Events Leading to the Cross

The first thing that made me reflect on Jesus’ suffering through my mom’s suffering was how both situations began.

In both cases, it was “normal” events that unexpectedly started things off.

For my mom, it was a routine visit to her last treatment of radiation. However, she was admitted into the hospital. And that’s when things took a turn.

Just like for Jesus, he was meeting with his disciples to eat the Passover with them. For the disciples, it was a normal event. But it was that evening that began Jesus’ passion and the suffering that followed.

I know for me, when we celebrate Holy Thursday Mass each year, I think about how this was the day that set off the chain of events that led to Jesus’ way to the cross.

Especially when Holy Week begins and we just celebrate Palm Sunday the Sunday before, it causes me to stop and think how did the situation turn so quickly? One day we are praising Jesus as the Son of God, the Messiah, and within days, we are sending him off to be crucified.

So for me, especially days later after my mom was admitted to the hospital and saw the quick decline that had occurred, it caused me to stop and wonder how this happened so fast. When just days earlier she was living her “regular” life, sitting on the couch, watching tv, drinking her tea, etc, now she was dying.

 

Suffering on the Cross

It was very clear that my mom was in a lot of pain and suffering laying in the hospital bed. The cancer had spread too quickly and caused her much pain in her head, where the tumor had been growing in her face.

She had just been through several treatments of radiation spanning the last couple weeks.

As visitors came to the room, one stood out in particular with his words that he shared in consolation.

As they were talking, he said to my mom how she was on her cross right now, with Jesus.

These words were simple, but true and still stick with me.

Like I mentioned above, we all have our cross to bear, and my mom had carried her cross and was now on it.

This visit occurred within the first couple days that she was in the hospital.

And as the days went on, her health continually went downhill, but her perseverance was strong. My mom was always a strong person in the face of trials and health issues over the years.

Her perseverance and her strong will to keep going on reminded me of Jesus’ commitment to us on the way to the cross and his perseverance. While carrying the cross, Jesus fell three times. But each time, he got back up and kept walking towards his death for each one of us.

 

Not Eating

After a few days, my mom was no longer allowed to have anything to eat or drink by mouth. She had already been on a feeding tube for some years for digestive issues to get a majority of her nutrition.

When she was no longer allowed to eat or drink anything (for fear of aspiration, or it going into her lungs), it reminded me of how Jesus said at the last supper:

“I tell you, from now on I shall not drink this fruit of the vine until the day when I drink it with you new in the kingdom of my Father.” – Matthew 26:29

 

“I thirst”

Since she could not have anything to eat or drink, her mouth and throat would quickly dry out. From her previous cancer surgery, part of her saliva glands no longer worked, which made her tongue and mouth dry out easily.

My mom would frequently say “I’m thirsty”.

This reminded me of some of Jesus’ last words on the cross.

“I thirst.” – John 19:28

Not only the words spoken, but the gesture of offering a sponge caused me to reflect on Jesus on the cross as well.

To try to help alleviate my mom’s dry mouth, we were able to give her a sponge soaked with water to dab on her lips and tongue.

While on the cross, Jesus was also offered a sponge soaked with wine after he said “I thirst”.

 

Refusing of Drugs

As my mom was in great pain, she was prescribed various pain medications. One of the drugs she did not like because it made her feel “out of it” and started to refuse it when it was time to take it.

This also reminded me of how Jesus refused the drugged wine before he was crucified.

“They brought him to the place of Golgotha (which is translated Place of the Skull). They gave him wine drugged with myrrh, but he did not take it.” – Mark 15:22-23

Jesus did not take the drugged wine, I believe, because he wanted to be fully present in his suffering for us. He did not want to be in a half state of consciousness. He was fully committed to what he was doing.

 

Cloths on Head

My mom was feeling a lot of pain in her face and head, where the tumor was.

While she was in the hospital, she liked having cool washcloths on her head because it helped alleviate some of the pain.

Most of the time, it was 2 or 3 white washcloths “wrapped” around her face and forehead.

While Jesus did not have these on the cross, it did remind me of the burial cloths that he was wrapped in afterwards.

“When it was evening, there came a rich man from Arimathea named Joseph, who was himself a disciple of Jesus. He went to Pilate and asked for the body of Jesus; then Pilate ordered it to be handed over. Taking the body, Joseph wrapped it [in] clean linen and laid it in his new tomb that he had hewn in the rock.” – Matthew 27: 57-60

 

“Remain here and keep watch with me”

In her final days, my mom was moved from the hospital to Hospice. She was heavily drugged on morphine at this time, and unconscious.

We did not leave her side for any of the time she was in the hospital or Hospice. We took turns staying the night with her, as well, so that she was not left alone at any time.

Those nights were some special times that we were able to spend praying with her and for her.

What ended up being her last night, my sister and I were there taking turns staying up with my mom.

My sister had stayed up with her for the entire first half of the night while I slept. Then we switched so my sister could get some sleep, too, and I stayed up for the second half of the night into morning.

While I was sitting with her, at the start of my “shift”, I was having a hard time keeping my eyes open as I had just woken up from just a few hours of sleep.

I immediately thought of Jesus and his disciples in the Garden of Gethsemane and how Jesus asked them to “remain here and keep watch with me”.

Jesus withdrew to pray. Upon returning back to the disciples, he found them asleep (3 different times).

“When he returned to his disciples he found them asleep. He said to Peter, “So you could not keep watch with me for one hour? Watch and pray that you may not undergo the test. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.” Withdrawing a second time, he prayed again, “My Father, if it is not possible that this cup pass without my drinking it, your will be done!” Then he returned once more and found them asleep, for they could not keep their eyes open.” – Matthew 26: 40-43 (emphasis added)

I remembered this scripture, and immediately started to pray that I could keep watch and stay away for the next hour. I figured I could keep renewing that prayer each hour and get through each hour at a time.

However, thanks be to God, that after praying that I was able to stay wide awake for the rest of the night and into the morning.

I’m so thankful that God helped me wake up, because it was that early morning at 6 am that my mom passed away. Since I was awake, I was able to notice her breathing slow down and wake my sister up to be with her in my mom’s final moments.

 

The time to pass

Given the state my mom was in, the doctors said it could be a week or more before she would pass when she entered hospice care.

Obviously nobody actually knows how long exactly someone has, but we all thought it would be on the longer side of a week then, because as I mentioned above, my mom was a tough woman. She fought through many health issues and had a strong will.

To our surprise, she was only in Hospice for just over 2 days after being moved from the hospital. It was a shorter time than we thought it would be.

It reminded me of Jesus’ death on the cross.

“Now since it was preparation day, in order that the bodies might not remain on the cross on the sabbath, for the sabbath day of that week was a solemn one, the Jews asked Pilate that their legs be broken and they be taken down. So the soldiers came and broke the legs of the first and then of the other one who was crucified with Jesus. But when they came to Jesus and saw that he was already dead, they did not break his legs, but one soldier thrust his lance into his side, and immediately blood and water flowed out.” – John 19: 31-34.

Not that 3 hours of excruciating pain on the cross is short by any means, but Jesus had already died upon the soldiers coming to “expedite” the deaths by breaking their legs.

It was probably a result of the all the sorrow, distress, scourging, and carrying of the cross that Jesus endured.

 

“Today you will be with me in paradise”

By the time my mom had passed, she had spent a week and a half in the hospital and hospice in lots of pain and suffering. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to watch.

Throughout that time, I kept praying that this would be her time of purgatory.

While she was in the hospital, my family and I prayed fervently for her and with her.

We would pray the Rosary and Chaplet of the Divine Mercy multiple times a day, and she would pray along with us when she was able.

[Related Content: How to Pray the Chaplet of Divine Mercy]

Jesus told Saint Faustina about the Chaplet of Divine Mercy:

“when they say this chaplet in the presence of the dying, I will stand between My Father and the dying person, not as the just Judge but as the merciful Savior” (Diary, 1541).

In the time of death, it is said that the devil will attack the hardest. This is when we are most vulnerable to despair and the anguish from the unnatural state of our soul leaving our body.

So we prayed to Saint Michael and guardian angels for protection.

[Related Content: How Saint Michael Helps You]

We prayed the Chaplet of Saint Michael and prayed to all the guardian angels in the room to protect my mom and from any evil entering the room.

One of our friends is a priest. Within the first few days of her being hospitalized, he joined us in the hospital and anointed my mom with the Sacrament of the Anointing of the Sick.

Throughout the course of the week and a half, I had reflected greatly on Jesus’ Way of the Cross.

So by the time she had passed, my prayer had turned to Jesus’ words on the cross to the repentant thief crucified with him,

“Amen, I say to you, today you will be with me in Paradise.” – Luke 23:43

I still pray for my mom everyday and pray that she is in God’s heavenly kingdom.

It is also of great consolation to me and am very thankful that I was able to pray the Divine Mercy Chaplet by my mom’s side about a half hour before she died early that morning, without even knowing that would be her final minutes.

May the souls of the faithful departed, through the mercy of God, rest in peace. Amen.

 

Kathleen P. Romano 4/6/1950 – 1/23/2020